June 2014

Hello,

Well, I’m annoyed. After I installed the cameras in the computer room on April 8th on April 9th the computer and when you tried to enter the password it brought up a message in place of the “Incorrect password” error message. It said: “Take down the cameras and I’ll release control of the computer.” I didn’t want to but everyone was getting really annoyed so on 6th June I finally gave in. then on 7th June I was greeted by this blog post:

“After the cameras were put in the computer room, several of us got very annoyed, me included. I personally like privacy when I’m on the computer, even if all I’m doing is writing a blog post. I don’t want people to see my rubbish first draft!

So a few of us got together and thought about what we could do to fix this situation. We only came up with one solution, to hack the computer so that nobody could use it.

And it worked. Eventually Chatter gave in and took the cameras down. Now I’m admitting that it was me that hacked the computer.

I’m not going to say who the people are that helped me. Just not happening.

Johnny”

Clearly “ANON” thinks I should execute him. This is a message to “ANON” I do not have that power and even if I did, I wouldn’t. This is a sanctuary. Also, you could always sign up for some spelling lessons, we do offer them. Putting “ANON” aside for a minute, I do really need to decide what to do about this confession. To be honest, I’m thinking about just ignoring it, cameras were an invasion of privacy and even if I disapprove, I’m not sure I can be bothered. I’ll post on the blog when I decide.

Chatter

March 2014

Hello,

Jane wrote a blog post about why no one has posted in ages. I’m just going to copy and paste it here rather than explain it myself because I’m annoyed: (I’ll explain why in a minute) “We couldn’t meet the demand for chocolate (People are so greedy!) at the same time as paying for the internet so, we took a vote and the majority chose chocolate over internet. Me, Sugared doughnuts, Quoite, Jonny and Chatter voted for internet but there are a whole load of gnomes that clearly want a whole box of chocolate fingers a week EACH. Anyway, we noticed quite a lot of gnomes were putting on weight and Chatters put his foot down, half a box of chocolate fingers a week each is QUITE enough. Greedy bunch… Well, internet is back now. So that’s good.” I’ve cut it down from the actual thing so you should go read it on the blog.

Alright, here’s why I’m annoyed, not because gnomes are greedy but because of this whole situation with “Crazie Prankz”.  They cut the power to the sanctuary at 8PM, right after it had gone dark. So we couldn’t use the lights. Gnomes aren’t fond of the dark. Okay, to be perfectly honest, everyone panicked. Yes yes, I panicked too. Jane was the only calm one in the whole sanctuary (Female gnomes have good night vision) and it took her about an hour to get the whole situation in hand. Once everyone was calm, the power returned about fifteen minutes later. The only people missing during this time? Quoite, David and Digger. (Digger hasn’t been mentioned before) I personally think it was Digger and his co-prankers stayed behind so suspicion wouldn’t fall on them but I have no evidence. Quoite is too serious and David is too superstitious to prank people. Anyway, Quoite had dragged David out on a walk in the dark to attempt to prove ghosts didn’t exist so I highly doubt it was them. I’ll talk to them all later anyway though. And ask them to post on the blog with a statement about what they were doing at the time of the blackout.

Anyway, yes, I am writing this report in April and “Crazie Prankz” did pull this prank on April 1st but it’s close enough to make it into the March update and I’m trying to get on top of the monthly updates again. I always write toward the end of the month when I actually have things to report.

See you next month when hopefully I won’t be in such a bad mood!

Chatter

December 2013

Greetings!

I am writing this on the 23rd of December and everyone is MAJORLY excited. Seriously excited. Gnomes love mince pies. I’ve been trying to keep on top of the monthly updates and get the gnomes to blog but I’ve been SO busy. Things have been pretty hectic.

So, what do I have to update you on? Well, Quoite started three fights about who “Crazie Prankz” are, he’s insistent it’s Johnny, Me and Jane whereas these people he fought with think it’s David and Johnny. I can’t tell you who it really is but I’m not part of it. I really can’t stand them, plus they’ve already pranked me!

Some people have asked me how many gnomes live in the sanctuary and I can tell you, 124. That hasn’t gone down much from November but that’s because some gnomes have left and been replaced. The maximum number of gnomes we can comfortably fit in the sanctuary is about 150. We could probably squeeze 160 in in a emergency. I hope this answers your questions, if not, email me at contactus@petgnome.co.uk and I or one of my co-workers will get back to you. To let you know, an email such as “OMG THIS WEBSITE IS SO DUM U SHOULD JUST SHUT IT DOWN LOL” will be ignored.

See you next month!

Chatter

November 2013

Hi,

Gnomes do not like fireworks. Thus, we do not like November. Therefor the sanctuary is very quiet. Ergo I do not have much to report.

Sorry about that but November is always like this. Nothing EVER happens in November because everyone is either scared from the last firework or waiting for the next! Let me try and think of something to report, well, some gnomes set up a pranking group (thats where people get together and pull pranks) and called themselves “Crazie Prankz”. They’ve pulled loads of pranks already and when I find out who they are...

Sorry this is a short report but that is really all there is to say.

Hope to have something more to report next month

Chatter

October 2013

Hi everyone,

Once again I will start for apologising that the website is lacking but this time it wasn’t my brother, it was one of the human editors. She didn’t save her changes and now we’ve been set back by several months.

The gnome sanctuary a little tense right now after SOMEBODY (My little brother) gave a Grump a pint of beer. As is mentioned in the “which breed” section Grumps and alcohol do not mix. The drunken Grump then started a fight with the sanctuary’s only female gnome, Jane, for “looking at him funny”. Jane simply blocked his punch and kicked his legs out from under him. Ever since then he has been out for revenge and everybody is wondering what he’ll do.

Another reason the sanctuary is tense is many gnomes believe October is a time of evil! They say that evil spirits begin their evil doings at the start of the month and it builds to a climax on halloween night. The gnomes that don’t believe this are excited but are hiding it from the “superstitious nutters”.

We have had a few complaints that no gnomes are up for adoption even though the sanctuary is packed full of gnomes. I’d just like to explain this; many of our gnomes have been through traumatic experiences and are currently undergoing therapy, therefor are not ready to leave the sanctuary. Other gnomes are helping out at the sanctuary with these gnomes who are undergoing therapy and would rather not leave the gnomes they are supporting. The final reason is that some gnomes have friends or siblings at the sanctuary who are either undergoing therapy themselves or are supporting a therapy undergoing gnome and would like to be adopted with them. Please be patient.

We have added a new section to the website, it’s a blog you can view it here, it includes blog posts from many of the sanctuary’s residents along with blog posts from me and many more crew members. Unfortunately, the blog was one of the areas affected by my brother’s deletion so there is a large gap between very old posts and the most recent ones. Sometimes many gnomes will use it a day and sometimes no gnomes will post anything. Just be patient.

Looking forward to next month!

Chatter